Note: This essay is dedicated to all “bogan” boys of UP Tacloban…remember Mr. Joshua Restor and Dennis Delgado? …they were the ones who inspired me to write one long sonnet about “maligalig” men like them before when I was a college freshmen but I lost the said piece already. Now, 14 years after, here is a homage to all men…including these two lovely boys I once encountered in UP Tacloban. Hi boys! Brace yourself…

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Once I promised myself that writing for the UP Tacloban website will not be called one all-consuming and gripping writing experience if I will not come up with an article about the many men I have come across with in this busy lifetime of mine.

So I promised myself that one of these days I will come up with an article that will basically deal with this topic and I take it upon me to come up with these outpourings in moments like these when lovers all around the world will celebrate their bonds in this hearts’ month.

Why the heck did I publish this on this site? Well, I stated it already in my opening note, plus, I think UP Tacloban girls can add more kinds of men in my list…di ba gurls? hurrrah!

Anyway, not that I want to mock men or be sarcastic about them since I myself is into one great relationship with a good man (who I chanced upon in one of my most unguarded moments), it’s just that I would like to come up with this list to make my fellow women understand the men they are actually dating. Or before they even consider dating this Heart’s day.

You, dear readers are more than welcome to add to this list for I believe that the more the merrier, the longer the better! Hehehe…read on please!

Here is the list of the many men I have known (not necessarily dated…), all the errors I made, I take as my own and all similarities to anybody you knew in your life are purely coincidental…

There are men who:
a. are so damn sweet, loving, thoughtful and good listeners, and yes! So GAY! Yup! They have the qualities you want in a man but you later you find out that despite being all these they are so not into you. Aaaargggggggh!

b. call you “Ate” even if you don’t want to because you don’t want him to see you as the older sister he misses terribly… ammmpph!;

c. don’t return your calls and texts, creating an impression that he is not really into you. Such a snob! Huhuhuhu!;

d. are so damn quiet when you are blabbering foolishly about how lovable and loving you are, finding out in the in the end that he doesn’t go for blubber mouths like you! Eouwwwwww!;

e. are too afraid to ask you out since they are too afraid you’ll turn out to be their worse nightmare for you happen to be smarter than them…again finding out that they want girls with long legs and bigger b**bs rather than girls with sharper brains. Haaaaaaaaay!;

f. are “chronically” confessing their love for you through calls and texts and yet don’t find the time to date you and see if you are still breathing, after you are stood up in one of your supposed date! Waaaaaaaaaah!;

g. swear to love you forever but lies under their breaths and dates woman after woman after woman, texting you that they are already home and sleeping…whapaaaak!;

h. are supporting their beaming “I-am-still-single” smile but eventually you’ll discover a wedding ring nicely hidden in his wallet. Waaaahaaaaaaaaat!;

i. tell you that he cannot return the love you gave him for he is mending, still but later finds out, through his Friendster account that he is IN A RELATIONSHIP! Wow! He is complicated! Yaiksss!;

j. tell you that he’ll only date you when you are a bit slimmer and sexier…or when you are a bit quieter and less maligalig! asssssaaaaaaaaar!!!;

k. are making women the object of their “bull session” during their frenzied and mindless talking over bottles and bottles of Mucho! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!;

l. are trying to convince you about the nature of his masculinity, that he is indeed a true blue man and yet will forever whine and blame other women for his misfortunate state. Aaaaaaargh!;

m. are doting over you, promising to love you forever despite any size change, and then would unnecessarily dump you over slimmer and younger woman when your waist becomes bigger and your arms become wider. Eeeeoooouwwww!;

n. dote over you, follow you around like lapdogs but you simply can’t plunge and return their love, for it will be synonymous to “cradle-snatching” because they ARE TWELVE YEARS YOUNGER!!! Wheeeeeeeeew!

Now, you know it is never safe to just plunge on girls? Try and check out the men you are dating now…are they part of these list…if not then do add one in your comment! Thanks!

Hope you have had a great Valentine’s!