April 30, 2007— a memorable day, and maybe the saddest day of my entire life. I have filed my leave of absence on the morning of this day to visit my illed father. Half of the day is just so normal that it ended up at Basilica Minore de Sto. Nino . Come 12:55 PM, I have received a text message from my brother that my illed father is gone. It was just a normal reaction at first, I reread my brother’s text message for I might just misread it, but still the message goes this way: “Vin, ayaw kakurat… patay na si tatay.”
I never thought really that the day that I was suppose to go home to visit him, would be the day that he will die. I have this thought that I would still see him alive, although weak but alive. But it never happened! I was given the chances to see him but I never did due to my job. What I have realized from this is that you need to prioritize your family first more than your job. Promise tay, this will never happen again to mama and the rest of the siblings. I may have been a bad son for this. Please forgive me.
It was hard, and still real hard to accept that he’s gone. I know that we were not very close. But there is that thing that binds us together - my vision, my sense of sight. I am the sole reason why misfortunes came into his life. Tay, please forgive me.
I have last see him last January, that was New Year. We had a nice talk when I am home. I have seen that excitement from his face upon seeing me. I was even happy to think that although we’re not that financially well-off, we’re still complete (although my long lost brother was gone for about 20 years already). Tay, I miss you so much. It’s hard to let you go and be a part of my memories only. We have a lot of shared memories. We’ve been through a lot— the extreme joy and pain. We have lived together the poorest way, we became farmers together, we eat together our favorite viand.
My tears fall freely. I want to stop them from falling, but it falls as I reminisce the things that my father has done to us. Tay I am you. I won’t be here without you. Tay, how I wish we have a long conversation before you died. How I wish….
hi…this is so poignant…reminds me of the same pain i had six months ago… actually, i lost my dad too last April 4 and you’re right, we are who we are because of them. You are him and I am more than just my father’s daughter…for I am him.