There was a time when i used to wonder how it feels like to be set free…free from the bondage of being somebody else’s daughter…free from the shadows of a strict father who always wanted to let me explore the world only within his shadow.
There was a time when I would fervently wish to extract myself out of the shackles that my father put around me so I can go and live life to the fullest without any thought of reprimand and telling off from a dad.
There was a time, in the heat of a terrible fight, I would curse him….so bad…that I wished him dead so I can be free…free to roam and soar…free to do what I want to do with my life, thinking that if I fall, I’ll just get up, shake off the dust and move on…
Yes, there was a time when I wish that I would approach the world solo…with no dad to hover behind me to see if I had made the right choices along the way…
There was a time when I have my dad…
Now, I long for that time to see my dad again…
To be able to see him kiss the wound I incurred from learning how to ride a bike…
To be able to wrap my arms around him and cry ‘cause things didn’t work my way…
To be able to pour my heart out for I made a folly out of myself…
To be able to freely whine for no particular reason knowing that he wouldn’t stand it and would ask me to just name anything that I’d like him to buy so I’ll stop whining…
To be able to laugh out loud as he crack jokes that I cannot put a retort on…
To be able to see things in a higher perspective for he would carry me on his shoulders…
To be able to tell my daily conquests and make him beam that proud smile at me again…
To be able to tell him that all the calls and shouts for freedom were just a farce…instead were more of a cry for help…more of a desperate attempt to get his attention, now bestowed on my other sisters…
April 4, 2007…I lost my dad…
And no amount of words could ever describe the engulfing pain that I felt…now that my world is without him…part of my being died with him…
I realized that the world would be so starkly bare without his words of wisdom…
I realized that I lost much time fighting him when all I can do is love him and understand that all he wanted was the best for her daughter.
I realized that I couldn’t approach and see life the same way as I did before without him constantly telling me to look out for its humps and bumps…
I realized that nothing in this world could ever replace the love of a father that I now only remember in my memory…
I love you Papa…
Please watch over me…
Love me…
Don’t ever give up on me…
And please whisper to God that I long to be with you someday for I can’t really make it on my own…
Long Live University of the Philippines
Hi,
I share the same feeling with you. My father passed away last April 30, 2007. To be honest, I am still experiencing the aftermath of his death. I wish he is happy now with the Heavenly Father’s side.
hi! thanks for this. there’s really no amount of preparation can ever equip us, children, of letting go of a parent. no matter how actualized and ready we are, we still need them. old age or not. losing a parent is indeed painful… i believe that no child should ever be subjected to that although it is the cycle of life and we cannot prevent that…
Hello rubymae,
Condolence I wasn’t able to attend your father’s wake coz I just gave
birth last March 4,2007.
ok lang ate, no problem. we weren’t able to tell friends ’cause we were really shocked with what happened, naglibot la ak ha downtown han last day of papa’s wake to tell his friends. mama was scattered wits din that time. plus it was a holy week so most people were out on a vacation or something. pray mo na lang po papa ko.
thanks. ingat.
congrats on the new bundle of joy!